I’ve always struggled with my self confidence. Growing up, I was made to believe that my worth was tied to two things, one would be my achievements and the next would be based on how useful I was to other people. I took that belief with me as I grew older and every single mistake, regardless of how little it may seem, always felt like a direct hit to my worth.
I never felt like I was enough. I was constantly looking for other people’s validation and approval just to feel worthy. It was always like regardless of what I did, it was never good enough for anyone, least of all for myself and let me tell you, living that kind of life was just so exhausting and mentally draining.
I was constantly finding myself stuck in a cycle of seeking external validation, to the point that I was always overextending myself, trying to please everyone around me without realizing that doing this was taking so much toll on my mental health and happiness.
It took a breaking point for me to finally realize that I was missing out on truly living the life that I wanted because I was so busy proving my worth to others. It took some time but I finally decided to start rebuilding my confidence and let go of the belief that my worth was based on how much I could do for others or what I achieved.
I know that rebuilding our self-esteem and improving our confidence is not always easy. Especially, when these toxic beliefs have already been ingrained in us from a young age. These negative beliefs can easily become a part of our identity and consume our lives. But please know that it is possible to break free from these toxic beliefs, start improving our confidence, and finally create the life that we want.
In this blog post, I will be sharing with you the steps I took that helped me improve my confidence, boost my mental health, and finally break free from those negative beliefs. I hope that some of the steps will resonate with you and help you in your journey to building a stronger and healthier self confidence.
How To Improve Your Confidence
1. Set Realistic Goals
We often take the power of setting realistic goals for granted. Especially in today’s world where we are constantly made to believe that the only goals worth making are those that are unrealistic and grand. I was guilty of doing this too.
I thought that success and happiness were only made possible if I continued to push beyond my limits and set all these unrealistic and highly ambitious goals that were so out of reach. I didn’t realize that by doing this I was not only pushing myself to mental exhaustion and burnout but I was also negatively impacting my confidence.
You see for every unrealistic goal that wasn’t met and for every huge expectation that was unfulfilled, my self confidence and self worth took a huge hit. The constant failures that I had to face because of setting all of these unrealistic expectations and goals led me to start believing that maybe I was not good enough to achieve anything.
It took some time for me to realize that often the best thing that we can do for our confidence and mental health is by setting realistic goals and expectations. I’ve learned that doing this doesn’t mean that we are just settling for mediocrity or that we are not pushing ourselves.
It simply means that we are recognizing our limits and working within them. It’s important to remember that success and growth are not only about constant overachieving. Often it’s about setting goals that are attainable. Goals that are kind to our mental and emotional health. Doing this does not only help us avoid burnout but it also helps build our self confidence.
2. Be Kind To Yourself
One of the most important things that you can possibly do for your confidence and self worth is learning to be kinder to yourself. Are you also guilty of being your own worst critic? How often do you find yourself constantly criticizing your every little flaw and mistake?
I’m certainly no stranger to this. For years, I have always been guilty of being my own worst critic and when I hit rock bottom, that habit only magnified. I thought that the best thing to do especially during that time was to constantly push myself by being too over-critical of every mistake. I thought that doing this would somehow push me to be better, to achieve more, and to turn my life around as quickly as possible.
What I didn’t realize was that doing this was slowly destroying my confidence and mental health. Instead of actually motivating me, it paralyzed me. It made things even more difficult because I was so afraid of failing and making a mistake. I started questioning whether I was even good enough to achieve anything.
Instead of actually going after my goals, I was stuck in a cycle of self doubt and procrastination. It made me realize that the best thing that we can do for ourselves, especially when we are already going through so much is to learn how to be gentle with ourselves.
I’ve learned that being kind to ourselves doesn’t mean that we are being complacent. It simply means finding a balance where we challenge ourselves enough to grow but not so much that we break. It’s about recognizing our limitations and respecting our needs.
When we are kind to ourselves, we are not only encouraging ourselves to believe in what we can do but we are also allowing ourselves room to grow and make mistakes without judgment and when we understand that it’s okay not to be perfect, we are more secure in trying new things and taking risks which greatly helps build our confidence.
So please don’t ever hesitate to offer yourself kindness and compassion, especially when you are going through a tough time. Know that you too deserve to give yourself the same amount of love and kindness that you so freely give to other people.
3. Don’t Be Afraid To Make Mistakes
For years, I have always been terrified of making mistakes. You see, growing up, I was made to believe that mistakes were a bad thing. I was made to believe that every mistake that I made was a direct reflection of my worth and value.
I took that belief with me as I grew older and I did everything that I could to avoid failures and mistakes. But of course, that wasn’t possible, so every time I made even the smallest mistake, I always felt like my entire world was crumbling down and that I was somehow less deserving of love and success.
Being stuck in that kind of cycle was not only mentally and emotionally draining but the constant pressure made it so difficult to enjoy every achievement that I earned. It wasn’t until I hit the lowest point of my life that I finally realized just how much this belief was destroying my confidence and happiness.
If you’re guilty of feeling this way too, please know that mistakes will never be indicators of your worth and value. Human as we are, we all make mistakes, but that doesn’t mean that we are no longer worthy of love, kindness, and second chances. Please know that your worth is inherent and just because we fail or make mistakes doesn’t mean that we are no longer good enough.
Mistakes are actually needed for us to learn, grow and improve. The more that we see mistakes as a bad thing, the longer we are only keeping ourselves stuck in self-doubt and fear of trying new things. Know that failure is not a step back but a step forward as long as we learn and grow from it.
Learning to embrace mistakes as opportunities to be better made me even more confident to take risks and explore new paths that I would have previously avoided because I was too afraid to fail.
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4. Learn To Say No
Are you also guilty of constantly over extending yourself? How often do you find yourself saying yes to things you really didn’t want to do because you were so afraid of disappointing others?
For the longest time, I’ve had this habit too. It didn’t really matter how exhausted or stressed I already was, I still felt compelled to say yes to other people’s requests because I didn’t want to disappoint them. I thought that by constantly putting other people’s needs first, I was somehow being a good person.
But if I’m being honest, the real reason why I found it so hard to say no was because I didn’t want other people to think less of me. Growing up I was told that my worth and value were tied to my achievements and how useful I was to other people. I thought that if I said no, I was not only disappointing them, but I was also destroying my value and worth in their eyes.
It took a real wake up call for me to finally face the truth that this type of habit and belief was not only mentally exhausting and draining but it was greatly sabotaging my confidence. I was constantly chasing other people’s approval and validation by saying yes to them regardless of what I was feeling or what I was already dealing with.
And let me tell you being stuck in that cycle was not only so overwhelming but it also made me so unhappy. If you also find yourself doing this, please know that there is certainly nothing wrong with saying no and setting boundaries. Doing this will never diminish your worth and value.
I actually think that it does the exact opposite, when you start respecting your limits and boundaries, you are now able to focus on what truly matters to you. Which in return can greatly boost your confidence, happiness, and productivity. We have to keep reminding ourselves that setting healthy boundaries and saying no is not about being unkind or shutting other people out entirely.
It’s a form of self respect. It is about recognizing that just like other people, you also have your own needs, feelings, and well-being that you also need to value.
Please remember that you are worthy of love and respect just for being you, not for what you can provide.
5. Practice Gratitude
In today’s world, it’s so easy to find ourselves constantly comparing our lives and our achievements with other people. Social media makes it so easy to see highlights of everybody else’s lives, which can make our own routines seem mundane and our achievements small.
I’ve fallen for this trap more than a hundred times. When I was navigating the lowest point of my life, it was so difficult for me to appreciate the small steps that I was taking forward because all I saw was everyone going through life having everything figured out.
While I was still left stuck in rock bottom, unsure of what to do. This made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough. It made me start doubting my capabilities to turn my life around which in turn made it even more difficult for me to motivate myself to keep trying.
That season of my life made me realize just how important practicing gratitude is not just for our well being but also for our confidence and self worth. It’s important to keep reminding ourselves of everything that we are capable of and all the skills that we have instead of focusing on the negative or what we lack.
By focusing on what we have accomplished and on the unique qualities that we possess, we are not only making everything less overwhelming, but we are also reminding ourselves that we are good enough. This makes it so much more easier for us to motivate ourselves to keep going and keep trying even when things fall apart.
One of the things that really helped me remember my worth and what I am capable of, even on the most difficult days is by doing this simple exercise.
Take some time to write down three accomplishments you’re proud of and three qualities you admire in yourself. Please know that nothing is too small.
Every step that you take forward is worth celebrating. After writing them down, reflect on these things and recognize all the effort and work that it took for you to achieve each accomplishment.
You can do this exercise every time you feel like self doubt is starting to creep in or every time you feel like comparing yourself with other people.
6. Make Your Mental Health A Priority
Another important step that will help us drastically improve our confidence is making our mental health a priority. It’s so easy to take our mental health for granted. Most of us are guilty of just putting this on the back burner thinking that it’s not really that important.
I was guilty of doing this too. For years, I was constantly pushing myself without any regard for how I was feeling and what I was going through. I thought that the best way to achieve all my goals was to constantly push myself to exhaustion and burnout.
I didn’t realize until I broke down just how damaging it was to neglect my mental health in the pursuit of achieving my goals. This led me to realize that my mental health is not only crucial in helping me achieve my goals but also for having the confidence to keep pursuing them even when things don’t go as planned. Please don’t ever hesitate to make your mental health a priority.
Just like everyone else, you too deserve to take care of your needs. As cliche as it sounds, you truly cannot pour from an empty cup. We cannot keep pushing ourselves and neglecting our needs without expecting any consequences to our health and well being.
I’ve realized that if we continue to neglect our mental health and needs, we eventually push ourselves to burnout, loss of confidence, and decreased motivation and productivity.
We have to keep reminding ourselves that prioritizing our mental health doesn’t mean that we are weak or that we are being selfish. It simply means that we are wise enough to recognize and acknowledge that a healthy mind is not only needed but is essential in helping us live happier and fulfilled lives.
Final Thoughts
We have to remind ourselves that improving our confidence is a journey. It’s not just something that we choose to do today and forget about it the next. It’s something that we need to commit to every single day.
So please don’t ever hesitate to celebrate every win, big or small, know that every step that you take towards your goals, helps build our confidence and self esteem.
Always remember that you are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are enough and you are worthy just as you are now. Keep working towards your dreams and goals and know that you have what it takes to reach them.
Always remember that I’m rooting for you!
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