I have always struggled with my self worth. Growing up I was made to believe that my self-worth was tied to two things. First would be my achievements. The second would be based on how useful I was to other people.
I’ve carried that belief with me as I grew older, and for year,s I have always measured my worth and value through those lenses. If I wasn’t achieving anything huge or helping other people in any way, I felt like I didn’t matter. I was constantly putting everyone else’s needs above my own, believing that by doing that, I was making myself enough and valued.
I treated other people’s success and achievements as a direct reflection of my capabilities. Every time someone else that I know achieves something, I always feel like I’m falling behind. It’s like their success reminded me of my shortcomings, and it made me question if I was ever good enough to make it too.
It was exhausting. Living that kind of life was so mentally and emotionally draining. I was constantly stuck looking for other people’s validation or chasing one goal after another just to feel that I was worthy of love and happiness.
It was during my lowest moment that I finally had the courage to admit to myself that I didn’t want to live that kind of life anymore. I didn’t want to be stuck in a cycle where my worth depended on what I could do for others or what I could prove to the world.
If you’re feeling the same way too, please know that there is a way to break free from this cycle. We don’t have to keep measuring our worth by how much we give to others or how many things we achieve. We don’t have to keep chasing other people’s validation and approval just to feel like we are worthy of love and happiness.
In this blog post, I will be sharing the steps I took to drastically boost my self worth and finally make me feel that I was enough and worthy just as I am. I’m hoping that some of these steps will resonate with you and help boost your self worth too!
How To Improve Your Self Worth
1. Stop Comparing
It’s so easy to fall into the comparison trap. Most of us constantly find ourselves comparing our appearances, achievements, and all areas of our lives with other people, even people we don’t know. I’m certainly guilty of this.
Growing up, I was made to believe that everything was a competition and that everyone around me was my competitor. I took this belief with me as I grew older, and I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I constantly pushed myself to exhaustion and burnout because I was so afraid of falling behind.
I wanted to be better than everyone else, and every time someone else succeeded, it always felt like a direct hit to my worth and value. It didn’t really matter how much I achieved or how far I’ve come, there was always someone else who was doing better, and to me, that feels like proof that I was still not enough.
And let me tell you, living that kind of life was exhausting. It made me so miserable. My mental and emotional health constantly took a hit, and every day I was constantly questioning my self worth and value.
If you’re currently feeling the same way, please know that you don’t have to keep competing with everyone else just so you can feel worthy. You are worthy as you are now. You don’t have to constantly prove yourself to the world.
The only person you should ever compare yourself with is the person you were yesterday. I’ve learned that life is not about outshining everyone else, it’s about becoming the best version of ourselves.
The best thing that we can do to boost our self worth and confidence is to start showing up for ourselves. Instead of constantly focusing on other people’s achievements, let’s focus all our attention and energy on our journey.
2. Say No Without Guilt
How many times have you found yourself constantly saying yes to things you didn’t really want to do in the first place, just because you were so afraid of disappointing other people? I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I found myself in this situation.
I have always been guilty of constantly overextending myself. I just find it so difficult to say no to other people, regardless of how overwhelmed and tired I already feel. I thought that doing this meant that I was being a good person, but to be honest, the real reason why I found it so difficult to say no is because I believed that saying no to them would make them see me as unreliable.
I thought that if I disappointed others, that would mean that I was no longer worthy. I was so afraid of letting other people down, thinking that my value and worth were tied to their approval and validation.
If you also feel the same way, please know that your worth is never based on how much you can do for others. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to turn down requests and put yourself first.
Doing this will never make you less worthy and valued. I honestly believe that by having the courage to say no without guilt, we are giving ourselves the respect and compassion that we deserve. I want you to know that saying no doesn’t mean that we are being unkind or selfish.
It simply means that we are human. We can’t keep pushing ourselves past our limits. You, as much as anybody else, also deserve to put your needs first. It’s time to set yourself free from constantly saying yes, hoping it would make everyone happy.
You don’t have to keep chasing other people‘s approval and validation. The moment that you let go of that belief, your self worth will finally start to improve because it’s no longer depending on other people’s opinions.
3. Stop Being Your Worst Critic
Are you also guilty of being your own worst critic? I definitely am. For years, I have always been my harshest critic. I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I constantly beat myself up and put myself down for even the smallest mistake.
To be honest with you, at that time, I believed that I was actually doing the right thing. I thought that by constantly criticizing myself, I was holding myself more accountable and I was somehow pushing myself to be better. And maybe there were moments when it was doing that.
But at the end of the day, I didn’t realize that it was actually doing so much more harm than good. Doing that did not only make me feel so bad about myself but it was also actually slowly chipping away at my confidence and self worth.
Constantly criticizing myself led me to start doubting my capabilities. I started questioning my worth and I started to believe that I wasn’t good enough to achieve my goals and improve my life. It was exhausting being stuck in that cycle.
Now I truly believe that improvement and growth come from a place of compassion, understanding, and kindness. Constantly beating ourselves is not going to help us boost our self worth and improve our confidence.
We have to remind ourselves that offering ourselves compassion and kindness, even in our shortcomings, doesn’t mean that we are not holding ourselves accountable.
It doesn’t mean that we are being self indulgent. It simply means that we are acknowledging the fact that we are human. We are all bound to make mistakes and fail but that doesn’t mean that we are no longer worthy of love, kindness, and second chances.
When we give ourselves a safe space to grow and make mistakes, we are allowing ourselves the chance to truly reflect and change.
Related Posts:
- 12 Best Things To Do To Show Up For Yourself
- 6 Simple Ways To Improve Your Confidence
- 10 Things To Do To Be Gentle With Yourself
4. Track Your Progress, Not Perfection
I used to wear perfectionism like it was a badge of honor. You see, growing up, I was made to believe that making mistakes and failures was a bad thing. I was taught that every mistake that I’ve made was a direct reflection of my worth and capabilities.
I took this belief with me as I grew older, and I did everything I could in my power to avoid them. I continuously pushed myself to constantly chase perfection in every aspect of my life.
I can’t even begin to tell you the number of sleepless nights I had trying to plan for every possible scenario just to make sure that all my plans and goals would go according to plan.
But of course, that wasn’t always the case, because the hard truth is, no matter how hard we try, we are all bound to make mistakes and fail. It took a breaking point for me to finally admit to myself that chasing perfection was not only making my life so miserable, but in a way, it was also making me stuck.
There were so many opportunities that I wasted because I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to do them perfectly. Now, I truly believe that perfection is nothing but an illusion. We can’t grow if we continue to be afraid of mistakes and failures.
When I was constantly chasing perfection, every failure just made me feel so bad about myself. It made me hate myself and it just made me feel like I was never good enough.
I’ve learned that the moment we choose to stop chasing perfection and start appreciating every progress big and small, is the moment that we begin to reclaim our self worth.
Doing this made me realize that my worth was never measured by doing everything perfectly, but by my willingness to grow and try again even when things don’t go my way.
5. Practice Gratitude
Improving our self worth is not only about doing things to improve our confidence and accepting that we are worthy just as we are now. It’s also about changing our perspective and mindset.
To be honest with you, I have always assumed that practicing daily gratitude was nothing but toxic positivity. I mean, sure, it’s easy to be grateful when everything in our lives is going right but when things are falling apart, finding something to be grateful for just feels impossible.
When I was navigating the lowest moment of my life, I thought that the best thing to do was to focus all my energy and attention on my problems and everything that was going wrong in my life.
I thought that taking time to find things to be grateful for was nothing but a complete waste of time. What I didn’t realize was that by focusing solely on my problems, I was making myself feel more defeated and hopeless.
I started questioning my capabilities. I started believing that maybe I was never enough to turn my life around. It was so exhausting being stuck in that cycle. It made me realize just how important practicing daily gratitude is.
Doing this doesn’t mean that we are pretending that everything is okay. It doesn’t mean that we are minimizing our problems or invalidating the pain that we are going through.
It simply means that we are choosing to hold on to any light that we can see and use it to fuel our drive and motivation to keep going and keep believing in ourselves that we are enough to do anything that we set our hearts and minds to.
6. Set One Realistic Goal Daily
Society often makes us believe that the only goals worth making are those that are huge and life changing. I used to believe this too. I thought that for me to be worthy and enough, I needed to achieve all these huge goals and unrealistic expectations first.
But the longer that I did this, the more I realized that doing this was actually doing more harm than good. You see, by constantly setting all these huge and unrealistic expectations, I was making everything more overwhelming for me.
Every time I failed to meet those goals, I always felt so defeated and I immediately started questioning my capabilities. It even reached a point where I felt so bad that instead of actually taking any action towards those goals, I was frozen and paralyzed by the fear and overwhelm.
This made me realize that one of the best things that we can do for our self worth and confidence is to set at least one realistic goal per day. Doing this not only makes things less overwhelming for us but also every time we reach our goal, it helps fuel our belief in ourselves and motivates us to keep going.
We have to remind ourselves that there is nothing wrong with setting realistic goals and expectations. Doing this doesn’t mean that we are settling for less or that we are not aiming high. It simply means that we are acknowledging our current limitations and honoring the things that we can handle right now.
Let’s continue reminding ourselves that small wins are also worth celebrating.
Final Thoughts
It’s important to remember that improving our self worth is not something that we can easily achieve overnight or in a day. It’s a journey and a constant choice that we have to make every single day.
Not all days will look the same, there will be days when we feel like we have made real progress and we are starting to regain our sense of self worth and value, but there will also be days when we feel like we have taken three steps back. Know that that’s completely normal.
What matters is that we continue showing up for ourselves and keep going. Always remember that I’m rooting for you!
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