Have you ever found yourself just constantly going through your days without really feeling connected to them?
It’s like you’re just going through the motions of life, showing up where you need to, getting things done, and just constantly counting the days until the weekend, or until your next vacation, or even until you can finally scroll endlessly on your phone?
I’m certainly guilty of this. For years, I never really fully realized that I was just living a life where I’m always trying to escape my reality. A life where I felt so empty and the days were just passing me by. I honestly thought that I needed to start over and reinvent my whole life.
But just the thought of doing that was enough to make everything too overwhelming for me. So I didn’t really do anything about it.
It was during a particularly low moment in my life that I started to realize that maybe we don’t have to change our entire lives and start over for us to finally start feeling okay. I’ve learned that often one of the best things that we can do is to finally stop treating our lives as something that’s temporary. Like it’s something that we just have to endure and go through before we can finally live the life that we want.
Instead of just waiting for some future version of a better life to begin, we can start creating a life where we don’t need to constantly escape from our reality. A life where we are not just surviving our days but are actually living them.
In this blog post, I will be sharing with you the changes I’ve made to start creating a life where I don’t need to escape from. These changes are not huge. It’s not something that requires you to make drastic, life-altering changes.
These changes are small and manageable. Something that won’t make us feel too overwhelmed. Changes that we can actually follow through with and won’t just be another one of those things that we don’t stick with.
If you’re ready to build a life you don’t have to escape from, this post is for you.
How To Build A Life You Don’t Need To Escape From
1. Be clear on your values
One of the most important steps that we need to take to start building a life that we don’t need to escape from is to identify our values. I know this may sound small but more often than we would like to admit, we are so easily influenced by the values of other people.
We absorb them without really realizing it and somehow, over time, their values start to become our own. I was guilty of this for years. I thought that I was chasing the right dreams and the right goals. I felt so conflicted because I thought that I was pursuing the goals that I really wanted and yet I still feel so unfulfilled and empty.
The goals that I was going after just made me feel so miserable, instead of actually making me feel excited and alive. I thought that maybe there was just something wrong with me, maybe I was not working hard enough or maybe I was not being grateful enough.
But that wasn’t really the case. If you feel this way too, please know that this doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. This feeling is actually normal, especially when we continue to hold on to things and chase things that don’t really matter enough to us.
Over time, it just slowly drains us and disconnects us from ourselves. That’s why it’s so crucial to pause and really ask ourselves…
What do I actually want, when I’m not trying to impress anyone?
What are the things that truly matter to me?
The moment that we start being honest with ourselves and start aligning our lives with our own values and not others, is the moment that we finally start building a life that fits us.
2. Create a space you love being in
This step might be small and even unimportant but it’s actually one of the things that really made a difference in my life. To be honest with you, I had this notion that creating a space that you love being in only applies to people who have those big and beautiful spaces.
I believed that I couldn’t really create a space that I love being in if I didn’t have enough space to begin with. But I was wrong. Sure having those big and beautiful spaces is great but it’s not really a requirement for creating a home that we can’t wait to go home to.
We need to remind ourselves that creating a space that we love is not about making the space look impressive to other people. It’s about how it makes us feel when we are in it.
The first step that I took was being more intentional with my things. I was guilty of holding on to so many things that I no longer needed so I started to sort through everything and only held on to things that were useful or meaningful to me.
I then added little things that brought me a sense of comfort and peace. Nothing fancy, just small plants here and there. A tiny corner where I can read my favorite book and enjoy a cup of coffee. I added little fairy lights to make it look more cozy.
The important thing to remember here is that you don’t have to overhaul your space in just an entire day. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Take it one step at a time. Start with a tiny corner. Start by sorting your closet. This way we are making the process more manageable instead of exhausting and draining.
3. Identify what drains you
One of the reasons why we often like to escape the reality of our lives is because of the things that are draining us. I always had a hard time with change. I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times, I’ve chosen to just stay still regardless of how unhappy I was because I was so afraid of things changing.
I always had a hard time letting go of anything that I was already comfortable with regardless of how much it was draining me. But the hard truth is, we can’t really start building a life we don’t need to escape from if we are still holding on to people, habits, and routines that leave us feeling drained and unhappy.
I know it’s hard but we have to remind ourselves that just because something already feels familiar doesn’t mean it’s good for us. I knew that if I wanted to finally stop escaping my life and start living it, I needed to let go of the habits, routines, and even people that were only keeping me stuck in a version of my life that I had already outgrown.
I know that doing this is not easy but please remember that when you let go of the things that are draining you, you are also making room for the things that will actually make you feel more alive and finally excited to live.
4. Let go of the version of yourself you thought you’d be by now
When I was younger, I had this notion that by the time I was in my 30’s, I should have been able to achieve this and that. I should have already figured everything out.
I should have the career that I wanted. My finances should have already been stable. Bottom line, I thought that as soon as I reached that age, my life would finally feel more “put together”, that everything should have already fallen into place.
But of course, that wasn’t the case. I was so disappointed in myself and I kept thinking that I was nothing but a failure. So instead of actually moving on, I allowed myself to stay stuck and hold on to that version of my life that never existed, the one I thought I was supposed to be living by now.
It didn’t really matter how much progress I’ve made or how much I achieve because I still kept comparing it to where I thought I should be.
Doing that just made me more miserable. It made it more difficult to appreciate where I was now. If you feel the same way too, please know that you are not a failure for being off track. You are not a failure for taking longer than you expected.
The past you, the one who created that old timeline for your life, only had a limited perspective on what was going to happen. That version didn’t know the challenges that life was going to throw your way. That version didn’t know how much you would struggle, grow, and change.
It’s perfectly okay to finally let go of that version of yourself you thought you’d be by now. Life doesn’t exactly unfold in a straight line and the moment that we finally accept that, things will start to feel so much lighter.
Because we are no longer punishing ourselves for not being somewhere else and from there, we can finally start building a life that isn’t based on who we used to be but a life that actually fits who we are becoming.
Related Posts:
- 7 Ways To Enjoy Life To The Fullest
- How To Live A Peaceful Life: 8 Important Steps
- How To Be Content In Life: 7 Essential Steps
5. Create a morning routine you enjoy
We often underestimate the power of a good morning routine. I used to do this too. My mornings used to be so chaotic. I would wait to wake up until the last minute and I was constantly rushing from one task to another.
I didn’t realize just how important creating a morning routine that I actually enjoy was in creating a life we don’t need to escape from. As cliché as it sounds, mornings set the tone for our entire day. When we constantly rush through our mornings, it’s so easy to carry that stress and that feeling that we are behind through our entire day.
But when we make our mornings look calmer and more enjoyable, we also start our day in the right headspace.
Now, I’m not saying that you need to wake up really early and do a long list of all these routines. Creating a perfect morning routine is not about copying someone else’s morning routine just because it looks more productive.
It’s not about forcing yourself into habits that you don’t enjoy. I’ve learned that when we do that, we actually end up not sticking with that morning routine because it just feels so forced, and often it even makes us even more miserable.
A perfect morning routine is doing something that YOU enjoy. Choosing routines and habits that actually work for you. It’s about doing things that make our mornings more manageable, calmer, and less heavy.
Start by simplifying it. You don’t have to completely overhaul your morning routine, start with changing one or two things.
Maybe you can start by adding a little quiet time before your day starts. You can wake up maybe 15 minutes earlier and use that time to enjoy your coffee without distractions or to journal or even meditate.
The important thing is to choose things that make you feel better. If one routine is not working, don’t hesitate to adjust and change it as you go.
6. Set healthy boundaries
How many times have you overextended yourself to other people because you were so afraid of disappointing them? I was also guilty of doing this for the longest time.
You see, growing up, I was told that my worth was based on two things. One would be my achievements. Two would be based on how useful I was to other people. I took this belief with me as I grew older.
It didn’t matter how exhausted or drained I already felt, I still feel so compelled to say yes to other people’s requests. I kept putting everyone else’s needs first because I thought that doing that would make me more worthy and valued. I didn’t realize just how miserable that was making me.
It took a real breaking point for me to finally admit to myself that a life without any boundaries will always feel like something I want to escape from.
If you also find it so difficult to say no to other people because you are so afraid that you will no longer be worthy if you do that, please know that you were never meant to prove your worth. You are worthy and enough just as you are now.
You don’t have to constantly exhaust yourself and drain yourself just to be enough. Your worth and value were never based on how much you could do for other people. You are allowed to say no without explanation.
You are allowed to put your needs first. Setting healthy boundaries is not about being unkind or shutting other people out entirely. It’s about acknowledging that your time and energy are not unlimited.
It’s about showing up more fully on the things that truly matter to you, instead of constantly spreading yourself too thin trying to be everything to everyone.
Always remember that the people who truly love you will not resent you for choosing yourself. The people who will hate you for setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none.
7. Stop waiting for life to begin
For years, I was guilty of “postponing” my life. I thought that my life would finally start to get better if I could just find a job that I love, or if I could just achieve all my goals. I thought that everything needed to be in place before I could finally start living.
I made all these conditions before I even allowed myself to be happy. I kept believing that these conditions were a requirement before my life could finally begin. I didn’t realize that the problem with having all these conditions is that the goalposts seemed to keep moving.
Once I finally achieved one of the conditions, I would make up another one, believing that if I could just achieve the new one then life would get even better.
But it never did. It never really made me happier because it always felt like it was never enough. The only thing that it ever did was keep me from living my life. I didn’t realize that life was passing me by.
I learned that if we want to stop escaping our lives, we have to remind ourselves that there will never be a finish line where we can finally say that everything is complete.
We don’t have to keep chasing things before we can finally allow ourselves to live. We have to remember that we don’t need to have everything figured out or fix everything for us to feel joy and to be present in our lives.
We don’t have to keep waiting for the perfect moment to start creating a life we don’t need to escape from. We can start now, regardless of what season in our lives we are in. The conditions don’t have to be perfect.
We can choose to feel joy and finally enjoy our lives even when things are not perfect. We can choose to appreciate everything that we have now, instead of constantly focusing on what’s missing.
Doing this doesn’t mean that we are no longer aiming high or that we are just settling for mediocrity. It simply means that we are no longer measuring our right to live and to be happy by how much we’ve achieved or how closely we match our ideal version of success.
The moment that we finally start living our lives and stop postponing our happiness, is the moment that we start to finally experience life and feel alive again.
Because it’s not really about having the perfect life. It’s about building a life where even on the most ordinary and mundane days, you don’t need to escape from.
Final Thoughts
It’s important to remember that building a life you don’t need to escape from is not something that we can just do overnight or even over a few weeks. It’s a gradual process.
Please remember to be kind to yourself. Know that there will be moments where you may feel like you are not making any progress. Moments where you feel like your old habits start to creep back in and even moments when escaping feels so much easier than staying.
During those moments, please know that you didn’t fail. It’s completely normal to go through all those things because building a life we don’t need to escape from is not about eliminating all the discomfort and stress in our lives.
It’s about creating moments of peace and building strong mental strength by creating new habits and routines that support you, instead of wearing you down. All these things will then help you to stay present in your life, instead of constantly escaping it.
Always remember that I’m rooting for you!
More Inspirational Posts For You
10 Small Things To Do To Find Joy In Life Again