” I’ve had these beliefs – beliefs that I was holding onto for years that only made my depression worse”
I’ve had a lot of good days for the past week. Days where I don’t hide from sunlight. Days where waking up doesn’t seem so bad. Days where I’m not chained onto my bed and mostly, days where I don’t pretend that I’m okay – because on that day I really am.
But then one day I wake up and realize that I’m once again waking up to a living nightmare. I’m back to being chained into this dark deep hole with a mind filled with a tornado of thoughts.
And sometimes that’s the thing about Depression. You may have to fight it once, twice and sometimes, even a hundred times – that’s what it’s like for me.
But no matter how many times it tries to conquer every bit of life left in me, I keep this little bit of hope – hope enough to get me through another day.
And going through this cycle every single day has made me realize that I had these beliefs – beliefs that I have held onto for years that was not only stopping me from being happy but was also contributing in making my depression worse.
And that’s what I wanted to share with you today, I want to share with you 5 Beliefs that Made My Depression Worse.
I understand that some of you may not have these beliefs but if you do, let’s work on this together to change those into something that will make things lighter and more bearable for us – we can do this!
Seeing the world from a negative perspective
With Social Media and everything that has been happening on the news, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of negativity and only see the world in a negative light.
I’ve had and sometimes I still do. I constantly had this thought that living in this world is just not worthy anymore.
With all the bad things that have been happening to good people, living is a lot worse than dying.
But I was wrong.
I blinded myself from all the good things that were happening around me. I refused to see the positive things and I just focused all my energy and attention to all the negativity.
Doing this just made my depression so much worse and I knew that this is not what I needed.
So, I started avoiding the news or anything that was not helping my recovery.
I kept reminding myself that though there are a lot of bad things that are happening in the world, there are also a lot of beautiful and great things that are happening every day, every minute and every second.
We just have to learn to find the good side in everything, and yes we may need to look harder on difficult days but doing this is worth it!
Believing that I don’t deserve to be happy.
Depression has a way of making you feel like you are the worst person in the world. That you don’t deserve good things, that you don’t deserve happiness.
In my case, I grew up being constantly compared. I grew up feeling that I was worth nothing. That I was and will never be enough and for that, I will never deserve happiness.
But I didn’t want to be trapped in that thought anymore. That thought was just consuming me and eating me alive.
So, even though I knew that it was going to be difficult, I started to learn to shift my thinking and more importantly, I started to be kinder and more forgiving of others and myself.
And the moment that I started to do that, I started to feel that I was enough. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I started to believe that the only validation that’ll I ever need is my own.
And that regardless of what I was told growing up, I finally started to feel that I was worth it and that I deserve happiness.
Believing that Everyone will save me
When I was diagnosed with depression and I had panic attacks, I needed to quit my job and I believed that everyone will understand, especially the people that I love the most. The people that I trusted.
But I was wrong. You can’t expect everyone to understand. You can’t expect them to truly grasp how and what we are exactly feeling.
And having to face that reality broke me more. It crushed me.
But it made me realize that expecting everyone to understand, stay and listen is not fair.
Because no matter how hard we try, no matter what we do, not everyone will understand, not everyone will be there for us.
And you know what? That’s perfectly okay.
Because the people that will stay, the people that will listen and be with you, even if they don’t understand are the ones that truly matter.
Believing that others are responsible for my unhappiness
I have constantly blamed other people for all my disappointments. For being in this situation.
And I know that sometimes when we experience failure, struggles, we are often too tempted to blame others for what is happening to us.
Sometimes we even rely on other people to make us happy. But experiencing what I considered the lowest point of my life, made realized that if I wanted change, I needed to start taking responsibility for my own happiness.
I needed to stop blaming other people because the more that I do that, the more I dwell on the negativity and the harder it is for me to move on.
I realized that I needed to be responsible for my own happiness. That my happiness should not be based on people, things, or situations.
I can choose to be happy.
Though I know sometimes it’s difficult but I will keep doing it, over and over again until it gets easier.
Perfection is Attainable
Before I was even diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, I was always striving for perfection. I was always pushing myself to achieve perfection.
And of course, I kept failing and I always ended up hating myself for that.
I failed not because I was not good enough it’s because perfection does not exist.
We have to remind ourselves that no matter what we do and how hard we try, constantly chasing perfection is useless and exhausting.
Everyone makes mistakes and you are no different.
We need to make mistakes to learn, grow and be better.
We need to find our own definition of Perfect. Flaws and mistakes included.
So, stop chasing for Perfection.
Be you. Make mistakes. Fail. Learn. Grow. Do the best that you can every day and trust that what you are doing is enough.
I understand that we all have a different set of views, a different set of beliefs, most of you may not even have any of these beliefs, they were just a few things that were feeding my depression.
So, when you’re ready, find those beliefs that are contributing to your depression and when you do find them, have the courage to start changing them.
I know that it’s not something that we can easily change overnight, but we can do it one day at a time, one step at a time – we just have to keep going and keep that little hope left in us burning.
I am not a licensed therapist. If you are suffering from a major disorder and need treatment please seek the help of a professional to get the help you deserve.