Learning how to find peace within yourself is essential in helping us manage stress effectively and in improving our overall well-being and happiness.
I have always assumed that for me to be able to find peace within myself and hold onto it, I needed to have everything in my life perfectly aligned. I thought that everything had to fall into place for me to finally find lasting peace and happiness. But the problem was that having everything in my life perfectly aligned just never seemed to happen.
There was always something off or out of place, no matter how much effort I put into organizing, planning, and controlling every aspect of my life. The constant need to chase this perfect moment just made things even more stressful and overwhelming for me.
It was during a particularly low moment in my life that made me realize that peace isn’t about achieving a perfect state where every piece fits just right, it’s about finding stability and serenity within myself despite the chaos outside.
We don’t have to keep chasing this elusive idea of things having to be perfect before we allow ourselves to find peace and happiness. Please know that regardless of where you are in life right now, you can find peace within yourself. You can be happy.
We have to keep reminding ourselves that the “perfect alignment” that we are waiting for may never come. Life is constantly full of uncertainties and surprises. Something can just easily pop up and disrupt our carefully laid plans. Instead of waiting for the ideal moment, we must learn to adapt and find peace in the unpredictability of life.
In this post, I will be sharing with you the steps I took that drastically helped me find peace within myself regardless of the external chaos. Please know that these steps are not a one-size-fits-all solution but I’m hoping that sharing these with you might inspire you to find what works best for you.
How To Find Peace Within Yourself
1. Practice Mindfulness
Life can easily get so overwhelming. It’s easy for our thoughts to spiral out of control. We get caught up ruminating on all the what-ifs of the future or dwelling on the regrets of the past.
I definitely know how this feels. When I was navigating a difficult period in my life, often, I was so afraid of waking up to another day because I was terrified of all the uncertainties that it may bring. I was so consumed with all my terrifying what-ifs that it paralyzed me.
It kept me stuck in this debilitating cycle where instead of actually facing the problems in front of me, I was constantly lost in a maze of hypothetical scenarios that seemed to only grow more daunting. This mindset was not only exhausting but it also kept me from finding peace and from actually taking any action to improve my situation.
This made me realize just how crucial practicing mindfulness is in helping us find peace within regardless of everything that is happening around us. Practicing mindfulness allows us to anchor ourselves in the present moment instead of being swept away by worries about the future or regrets from the past. It helps us stay calm and focused on everything that we have to do to better our situation.
One of the things that I’ve learned when I just started practicing mindfulness is that doing this is not about ignoring the future, or forgetting the past, but rather about living fully in the present while acknowledging that both the past and future have their places.
It teaches us to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment and to recognize that they are temporary and not an intrinsic part of who we are.
This awareness allows us to detach from intense emotions and prevent them from overwhelming us. By focusing on the present moment, we can allow ourselves to approach our experiences with a more fresh perspective that ultimately allows us to manage stress effectively and help alleviate any anxiety and worry that we are feeling.
Start by doing these:
Practice Deep Breathing: Start by focusing on your breath. Take slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. This can help center your mind and reduce tension.
Take Mindful Walks: Go for a walk and pay close attention to the sensations of your body as you move. Notice the feel of the ground under your feet, the sounds around you, and the air on your skin.
2. Practice Daily Gratitude
Practicing daily gratitude is another important step that will help you learn how to find peace within yourself. To be completely honest with you, for years, I was never a big believer in practicing daily gratitude. I thought that it was nothing more but toxic positivity.
Sure, it’s so easy to be grateful when everything around us is going right but when life seems to be against us and when our life is falling apart, finding something to be grateful for just seems impossible. When I was going through my lowest moment, I refused to believe that practicing daily gratitude would do anything to help improve my situation.
At that time, I thought that the best thing to do was just to focus all my attention and energy on my problems and on everything that was going wrong in my life. I thought that doing this would somehow push me to work even harder to improve my situation.
But choosing to focus on only the negatives did so much more harm than good. By allowing myself to only focus on my problems, I didn’t realize that I was slowly draining my energy and hope. It made me feel even more defeated and it made me start believing that my life would only ever go from bad to worse.
This made me realize just how crucial it is to practice daily gratitude, especially when we are going through tough times, not just to help us find peace but also to help us find hope and hold onto it.
I’ve learned that practicing daily gratitude is not about pretending that everything is okay. It’s not about minimizing the problems that we are facing or invalidating the pain that we are feeling. It’s about acknowledging what is working in our lives and finding value in the positives, no matter how small they may seem.
It’s about recognizing that the good can coexist with the bad, and that focusing on the positive aspects of our lives no matter how small can not only give us strength to cope with the challenges we face but also help us find peace and calm regardless of what we are going through.
Start by doing these:
Keep a Gratitude Journal: Each day, write down three things you are thankful for. These can be as simple as a sunny day, a good cup of coffee, or a supportive conversation with a friend. This habit helps shift your focus from what’s missing or negative to what is abundant and positive.
Express Gratitude to Others: Make it a point to thank someone every day. It could be a colleague who helped you, a family member who listened to you, or even a stranger who held the door open for you. Expressing gratitude not only uplifts others but also reinforces your own feelings of appreciation.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries
How many times have you sacrificed so much of your time and energy regardless of how exhausted and drained you already felt, simply to keep others happy and stop them from being disappointed? I can’t even begin to tell you, the number of times I was guilty of this.
I always have a hard time saying no to other people, especially to the people closest to me. You see when I was growing up, I was made to believe that my worth and value were tied to two things. The first one would be my achievements and the second one would be how useful I was to other people and how consistently I met their expectations and needs.
I took this belief with me as I grew older and it didn’t really matter how busy I was or how much I already had on my plate, I felt compelled to always say yes. I was so afraid that saying no would make me less valuable or even lovable to those around me. This pattern of behavior led me to the point of burnout, where I felt chronically exhausted and resentful, yet I still struggled to set boundaries.
It took a breaking point for me to finally realize the importance of setting healthy boundaries not just for our physical health but also for our mental health, happiness, and inner peace. I’ve learned that setting boundaries doesn’t mean that we are being unkind or that we are shutting off other people entirely.
It simply means that we are asserting our own needs and acknowledging our limits. It means respecting ourselves enough to say ‘enough’ when we need to. Please know that your value and worth are never determined by how useful you are to other people or how much you accomplish. Your worth is inherent, you are worthy and enough just as you are now and you deserve to prioritize your own well-being as much as you do others.
Start by doing these:
Identify Your Limits: Begin by understanding where you draw the line. Consider your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual limits. What makes you feel stressed or uncomfortable? Recognizing these signs will help you define your boundaries.
Communicate Clearly: Once you know what your boundaries are, communicate them clearly and respectfully to others. You don’t have to justify or apologize for asserting your needs.
Practice Saying No: Start small if you need to, but begin practicing saying no. It can be as simple as turning down an extra project at work, declining an invitation, or requesting some time alone.
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4. Make Self Care A Priority
Another important step in helping us find peace within ourselves is learning how to take better care of ourselves and our needs. I know that it’s so easy to take self care for granted, especially when we have so many things on our plate. I used to think that self care was unnecessary.
I thought that it was just something that you practice every once in a while when everything in your life is going smoothly. But when you have many responsibilities and you’re juggling so many things, self care just seems nothing but a total waste of time.
But I was wrong to think that. Making self care a priority is just as important as other things, especially when life feels overwhelming. It’s important to remind ourselves that self care is not a luxury or something that we check off our to-do list once a year and then forget about it the next. It’s a necessity.
Self care is so much more than just a luxury for quieter moments. It’s a crucial part of maintaining our health, productivity and inner peace. When we’re constantly on the go without taking time to recharge, we risk burning out, which can make it even harder to manage our responsibilities and face challenges.
Self care allows us the chance to just breathe, reflect and gather our thoughts. It provides us a necessary pause in the chaos of daily life, giving us a moment to find peace within ourselves and reconnect with what truly matters. So, please don’t ever feel guilty for making time for self care. Know that what you’re doing is not selfish nor is it a waste of time.
Self care is not about shrinking our responsibilities or neglecting our duties. It’s about ensuring that we are strong and capable enough to handle the demands of our daily lives. As cliche as it sounds, you truly cannot pour from an empty cup. Filling your own cup first is not just important, it’s necessary.
Start by doing these:
Set Realistic Goals: Begin with achievable goals that won’t overwhelm you. This could be as simple as deciding to read for 30 minutes a day, take a daily 15-minute walk, or cook a healthy meal several times a week.
Establish a Routine: Consistency can help make self-care a regular part of your life. Try to schedule specific times in your day or week for activities that recharge you, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or simply a quiet time with a book.
Take this 30 day self care challenge now!
5. Forgive Others And Yourself
One of the most important steps that you have to take to learn how to find peace within yourself is practicing forgiveness. I think it’s safe to say that forgiveness is a whole lot easier said than done. This act can be difficult.
It’s so much easier to hold on to our anger and resentments than it is to let go, forgive, and move forward. I certainly know how this feels. Growing up, I was deeply hurt by the people that I love. I was made to feel like I was nothing. I was constantly criticized, and compared to others and I was made to believe that I had to always earn their love.
I hated them for doing that and I took that anger with me as I grew older. I thought that by holding on to my anger and resentments, I was somehow shielding and protecting myself from being hurt again. I thought that as long as I was doing that, no one could ever hurt me like they did again.
But over time, I’ve realized that holding on to this anger didn’t actually do me any good. It only made me so bitter and angry at the world. It not only kept me stuck in the past but it was also preventing me from moving forward and from truly healing.
I know that forgiveness is difficult but we have to remind ourselves that forgiveness is not about minimizing the wrong that they have done or invalidating the pain that they have caused.
It is about choosing to set ourselves free from the pain of the past and finally allowing ourselves the space, to truly move forward and start healing. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or giving permission for the hurt to happen again.
It means acknowledging the pain, learning from it, and then putting it behind you so it no longer anchors you to suffering. It’s an act of reclaiming your power.
When we choose to forgive others and even ourselves, we are not only freeing ourselves from that giant weight that we have been carrying for so long but we are also giving ourselves the chance to finally find peace and happiness within ourselves.
Start by doing these:
Acknowledge Your Feelings – Give yourself permission to fully experience your emotions about the situation. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step in healing.
Write it Out – Consider writing a letter of forgiveness to the person who hurt you. You don’t have to send it, but the act of writing can be cathartic and clarifying.
Let Go of Expectations – Release any expectations of the outcome of your forgiveness. The other person may not respond as you hope, but forgive to find your own peace.
6. Practice Self Compassion
Are you also guilty of constantly criticizing yourself about every little thing? It’s so easy to be our own harshest critic. I was certainly guilty of this. I have always been my own worst critic and every time I would go through challenging moments, this only seemed to magnify it.
At that time, I thought that this was the best thing to do. I thought that being too overcritical about myself would somehow push me to be better and that it would somehow prevent me from making the same mistakes and drive me to work even harder. But what it did was the exact opposite.
Instead of actually pushing me to be better, it only added unnecessary stress and anxiety to my life. It made everything even more overwhelming to the point that it paralyzed me.
I failed to realize that by being my own worst critic, I was not only destroying my confidence and mental health but I was also adding so much unnecessary stress, worry and anxiety to my every day life. It made me constantly irritable, stressed and so exhausted.
If you’re guilty of doing this too, please know that you deserve to give yourself the same amount of love, understanding, and kindness that you so freely give to your loved ones.
You don’t have to keep beating yourself up just to push yourself to be better. I’ve learned that improvement and growth come from a place of kindness and understanding, not self-punishment. By treating ourselves gently, we open the door to a more sustainable form of self-improvement.
Practicing self compassion not only helps alleviate the stress and anxiety of our daily lives but also helps us find peace within ourselves and improve our overall sense of well-being. We have to stop beating ourselves up and start giving ourselves the kindness and understanding that we deserve.
It’s important to remember that practicing self compassion is not being self indulgent. It’s not about lowering our standards or just settling for mediocrity. It’s about recognizing our limitations and meeting them with empathy and grace. It’s about acknowledging that while we strive for success, we are also human and prone to errors.
Start by doing these:
Reframe Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself being overly critical, pause and try to reframe those thoughts in a more positive or realistic light. For example, instead of thinking, “I always mess things up,” you could reframe it to, “I made a mistake, but I can learn from it and improve next time.”
Set Realistic Expectations: Instead of aiming for perfection, set achievable goals that challenge you but are within your reach. Celebrate the progress made towards these goals, even if it’s not perfect, recognize that progress is more valuable than perfection.
Start to love yourself more by taking this 30 day self love challenge!
7. Reflect On Your Day
Reflection is an important part of finding peace within ourselves. Doing this allows us the chance to pause and assess our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This practice helps us understand the root causes of our distress and identify the things and patterns that may be contributing to our anxiety and unhappiness.
I find that the best time for me to do this is just before I go to bed. I dedicate 15 to 20 minutes each night to quietly reflect on my day. This routine involves reviewing what went well, what didn’t, and how I felt about various events.
I use a journal to record these reflections, which helps in creating a concrete record of my thoughts and progress over time. I learned that writing down my experiences not only clarifies my thoughts but also eases my mind.
Start by setting a consistent time each day for your reflection. It doesn’t have to be before bed. The important thing is to choose a time that truly suits your schedule and when you can be undisturbed for a few minutes.
Remember that consistency is key to developing a habit that’s why it’s so important to choose a time that works best for you and stick to it.
Here are some additional tips to help make this practice a regular part of your life:
Set a Reminder: Use a reminder on your phone or a note in a visible place to help you remember your chosen time for reflection. This can help reinforce the habit until it becomes a natural part of your daily routine.
Keep the Duration Manageable: Start with just a few minutes each day and gradually increase the time if you feel it’s beneficial. Even a short period of reflection can be powerful.
Final Thoughts
Learning how to find peace within yourself is an ongoing process. It’s certainly not something that we can just easily achieve overnight. So please give yourself the grace and time needed to grow into this practice. Don’t hesitate to take small steps and celebrate minor wins along the way.
Remember, the goal is not to perfect peace but to better understand and manage your reactions to life’s challenges. Allow yourself the space to explore what genuinely brings you peace and serenity, and patiently work towards integrating these practices into your daily life. You got this and please know that I’m always rooting for you!
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