Do you ever get the feeling that while everyone else around you is moving forward, everyone you know is achieving these huge accomplishments and yet here you are, still standing still? I’ve felt this and if I’m being honest, I think I’ve had this feeling more than a dozen times.
When I was younger, I always believed that I needed to achieve certain things at a certain point in my life. I used to say that when I reached my 30’s I should have all these certain things already. I should have achieved these goals and by mid 30’s I believed that I should have already built a life that I could be proud of.
At that time, I honestly thought that everything would just perfectly fall into place just as long as I follow my plans. But that’s not really how life works, does it? The reality is, regardless of how hard we try to follow every single detail in our plans, somewhere along the way, something unexpected pops up that throws us way off course.
That’s exactly what happened to me. I’ve been slapped with countless disappointments, faced a whole lot of episodes of mental exhaustion and burnout, and when I see all these people that I grew up with, achieving all these things these huge milestones, I can’t help but feel disappointed with myself.
I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I’ve beaten myself up for not getting to where I thought I should be by now. I spent a long time, wallowing in self pity, regret, and disappointment. I thought that I was doomed to be like this for the rest of my life because I continued to believe that I was not good enough to make my life better.
If you feel the same way too, please allow me to tell you that it’s never too late to start over. While we may not be where we expected to be, it’s still never too late for us to create a life that we are genuinely happy with.
Choosing to start over doesn’t mean that we are a failure. It simply means that we are finally acknowledging that some things didn’t work out and instead of beating ourselves up for our mistakes and failures, we are choosing to learn from those experiences and let them fuel our drive to turn our life around.
I know that doing that can be incredibly overwhelming, I’ve felt that too. One of the things that helped me lessen the overwhelm is reminding myself that I don’t have to completely overhaul my life overnight or take all these giant leaps, I’m allowed to just take it one day at a time and one step at a time.
I know that it’s easy to think that we have already wasted so many years and now we have this urge to turn our lives around as quickly as possible. But that approach is not really the way to go.
I did that and let me tell you that it didn’t take a really long time before I felt so overwhelmed to the point that I was completely paralyzed and I just ended up not sticking with it.
In this blog post, I will be sharing with you small and easy steps to take to help you start over when you feel like you’ve fallen behind. I hope that some of these steps will resonate with you and help you create the life that you want.
7 Things To Do To Start Over in Life When You Feel Like You’ve Fallen Behind
1. Remember That Your Life Doesn’t Have To Follow A Timeline
This is definitely one of the most important steps that we have to do first. I know that we have been so conditioned to believe that our lives should look like something by a certain age. Like when we reach this age we should already have financial stability or a career that we love and when we don’t reach those expectations we are made to feel like there is something wrong with us.
It’s like we all have to follow this one blueprint for our lives to actually mean something and for us to be worthy. But that’s certainly not true. Now that you are starting over, it’s important to remind yourself that this time, you don’t have to follow a certain timeline.
Life doesn’t have a blueprint. Things can change in the blink of an eye and there are so many things that we can’t control. If we still keep pushing ourselves to achieve things in a certain amount of time, we will only be pressuring ourselves and we will only make ourselves feel miserable.
One thing that we should always remember is that just because we haven’t achieved something by the age of 35 doesn’t mean that we won’t achieve it by the age of 40 or 50. Just because someone found their purpose and their passion at an early age doesn’t mean that we are doing something wrong.
This time around, please allow yourself to move at your own pace. Don’t follow someone else’s timeline. Focus on your own. Know that you are allowed to take a different path and you are allowed to change your mind along the way.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Change Your Expectations
I know that we all have these expectations for ourselves. We have this idea of what our lives should look like and what kind of person we should be. We then push ourselves to achieve all these unrealistic goals believing that doing this would somehow push us to work even harder.
I’m certainly guilty of doing this. Growing up, I was made to believe that my worth was tied to my achievements. I took that belief with me and it made me become this person who was constantly striving for perfection. I used to hold myself to such high expectations like it was a badge of honor.
While there is certainly nothing wrong with having expectations, the problem begins when we become so attached to those expectations that when things don’t go according to plan, instead of learning from our disappointments and failures, we take it as a hint that maybe we are just not good enough.
I’ve learned that having all these expectations for myself and constantly trying to live up to them just made me feel so unhappy. It made me realize that often setting these expectations for ourselves and following them so strictly without making any room for mistakes will only keep us stuck and unable to grow.
I’m not saying that we have to let go of all the expectations that we have for ourselves but instead of being so rigid about them, this time, let’s allow ourselves to change these expectations along the way. When things don’t go as planned, instead of beating ourselves up for it, let’s learn to be flexible and adjust our expectations.
Please give yourself room to make mistakes, pivot, and grow.
3. Reflect On What you Truly Want
As we continue to evolve and grow, it’s natural for our priorities and goals to change. I know that often we get so caught up with following the same goals that we set for ourselves years ago that we fail to even reflect if that is still what we truly want.
I’ve spent so many years chasing goals that I never genuinely wanted but it was because I thought that those were the things that I needed to achieve for me to be successful and happy. I wasted a whole lot of time trying to build a life that I thought would make me happy.
This time around, it’s important to take some time to reflect on what you truly want. What are the things that genuinely matter to you? Not the things that other people tell you to want or that you see other people achieving, but the things that truly make you happy and fulfilled.
Remind yourself that you don’t have to chase other people’s goals, you don’t have to build the exact same life as others just for your life to be meaningful. There is no right or wrong way to create a meaningful life.
So, please allow yourself to really take some time to figure out the things that you want, the things that genuinely matter to you, and the things that make you feel excited to wake up to every day. Use that as your guide to build this next chapter of your life.
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4. Identify What’s Keeping You Stuck
Another important step is identifying everything that has been keeping us stuck and preventing us from moving forward. I have spent so much energy focusing on beating myself up for all my mistakes and wallowing in my regrets that I didn’t even take the time to recognize the things that were holding me back.
I know that when we get so used to beliefs, habits, routines, and relationships we often fail to realize that some of them are no longer benefiting our growth. I’m guilty of this too.
I have always been terrified of change. I have held on to so many things that were only holding me back and keeping me unhappy so many times just because I was so afraid to change. To me, it was better to hold on to those things because they were familiar and comfortable.
But the hard truth is, the longer that we hold on to things that are no longer helping us grow, the longer that we are only keeping ourselves stuck and unable to move forward. We have to remind ourselves that for us to actually start over and build the life that we want, we have to identify those things that are keeping us from moving forward and have the courage to actually let them go.
Now, I know that this sounds scary and overwhelming. Please know that you don’t have to make a huge change right away. You can take small steps.
You can start by recognizing habits that are only draining your energy and keeping you unhappy. Start by just naming two and you can slowly work on changing them. There is no need to overhaul your life overnight.
When things get difficult and when you start to feel that you would rather hold on to what’s familiar, please remind yourself that when we let go of the things that are no longer supporting our growth and happiness, we are also making room for new opportunities and better experiences that can help us become happier and fulfilled.
5. Create A Daily Routine That Will Support Your Growth
Another important step that will help us improve our lives and start over is creating a routine that’s actually right for us. I used to follow all these routines that were recommended by successful people.
I thought that if it worked for them then maybe it would work for me too. But of course, that was not the case because at the end of the day, we all have to face different circumstances, priorities, and responsibilities. What worked well for others may not always be the right fit for our lifestyle.
That’s why it’s so important to create a routine that supports what you actually need. Honestly, the more that I tried to follow other people’s routines, the more difficult my life became. Instead of actually helping me grow and achieve my goals, it just added all this unnecessary stress and anxiety into my life.
It made my day even more overwhelming that I just ended up not sticking with it and reverting to my old routine. That’s why we have to stop comparing our routines with other people.
I know there is so much chatter about people waking up at 4am and doing all these things even before 9 a.m., and we often end up thinking that maybe we are not doing enough that’s why we are falling behind.
If you feel that way, please know that just because someone can accomplish so much even before the rest of the world wakes up doesn’t mean that you have to do the same to be successful, especially if that routine only makes you feel more exhausted and overwhelmed.
Now that you are starting over, take this as an opportunity to create a routine based on your needs, your energy levels, and your responsibilities. Your routine doesn’t have to look like someone else’s. It just needs to be something that works for you and makes your everyday life feel easier and better.
You can start by identifying your priorities, the things that you want to spend more of your time and energy on, and the habits that you want to develop. Please remember that you don’t have to make so many changes at once. Just start with changing one or two things in your routine and allow yourself to adjust it gradually as you become more comfortable with it.
6. Take Responsibility For The Things That You Can Change
I’ve wasted so much time wallowing in my regrets and failures. I used to spend so much energy just thinking about all my mistakes, the opportunities that I missed, and everything that went wrong in my life.
When we feel like we are falling behind in life, it’s easy to allow ourselves to be consumed by our regrets and constantly thinking about everything that we could have done differently. We spend so much energy doing this that we fail to realize that no matter how much time we spend on replaying these scenarios, it would not make any difference unless we actually do something about it.
We have to stop spending so much attention and energy dwelling on the things that we can no longer change and actually start taking responsibility for the things that we can start changing now.
I know that often the reason why we choose to dwell and wallow in our regrets and disappointments is that we are too afraid to actually take action. Instead of actually facing everything head-on and doing something about our circumstances, we choose to just allow ourselves to wallow and dwell on the past.
I know how this feels. I know how terrifying it can be to start over and push ourselves to change our lives. It’s overwhelming and often the thought of having to face another possibility of failing again just makes it even more stressful.
But we have to remind ourselves that the more we allow ourselves to be stuck in this cycle, the longer we are only keeping ourselves miserable. Yes, we have made mistakes, yes we have failed and yes it was painful.
But we shouldn’t let our past failures and disappointments become the reason why we stop trying to make our lives better. You deserve another chance. Simply start by taking responsibility for changing one thing that you can control and that will make your life better today.
Just one thing. Sometimes making one simple change is all it takes to help us build the confidence and drive to make huge changes.
7. Stop Thinking You’re Too Old to Start Again
I know that it’s so easy to believe that there is an age limit when it comes to starting over and building the life that we want. It’s easy to think that we are too old and that we have wasted so much time already.
We start to believe that maybe it’s just so much better to just accept where we are today, regardless of how unfulfilled and unhappy we are, instead of taking a risk and starting over again.
If you feel this way, please allow me to tell you that I truly believe that no one is too old to start over and build a life that actually makes them happy. I know that it’s scary and overwhelming, but would you rather spend the next few years just dreaming of the life that you want and dwelling on all your past failures and mistakes, or would you rather take a risk now and open yourself to the possibility of getting to live the life that you want?
Please know that you still have the opportunity to explore new possibilities and work toward something that you truly love and want. Don’t let those fears make you settle for a life that you are not happy with. Give yourself a chance to start over.
Final Thoughts
I know that it’s not easy to acknowledge that you feel like you have fallen behind and that things haven’t turned out the way you wanted. But the fact that you are here, reading this, shows that you are still trying to make things better, that alone speaks volumes of the courage and strength that you have.
During this journey, please don’t forget to be kind to yourself. Starting over and making changes to better our lives is not going to be a straight line. There will be days when we face disappointments and days when we feel like we are not making any progress.
During those days, please give yourself grace. Don’t beat yourself up. Instead, remind yourself that what you are going through is normal. Know that you are capable of building the life that you want. Those disappointments and failures that you will face along the way are NOT a testament to your capabilities.
Don’t let your setbacks convince you that you are not good enough because you are. You have within you this invaluable strength that will help you build a life that will make you happy and fulfilled. Just take it one step at a time and don’t give up on yourself.
You got this and please know that I’m always rooting for you!
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