Learning how to be more secure in yourself is an essential step in personal growth and development. It involves building confidence, understanding your values, and embracing your strengths and weaknesses.
But doing this is often so much easier said than done, especially in today’s world, where we are often bombarded with external pressure and societal expectations. It can be challenging to maintain a sense of self when we are constantly faced with messages that suggest we need to be different or better just to be enough and worthy.
This is exactly what I felt. It was so difficult for me to be secure with myself and to be confident in my abilities when society seemed to constantly highlight my flaws and shortcomings. The weight of expectations constantly pulled me down, making it so much harder to see my own value and potential. It seemed like everyone else had their lives perfectly together, while I was struggling to find my place.
If you currently feel the same way too, please know that it’s never too late for us to learn how to be secure in ourselves and embrace our true worth. The journey towards self-acceptance and confidence is personal and unique to each individual, but it’s a path that we can all take, no matter where we are starting from.
In this post, I will be sharing with you the steps that helped me tune out the noise and focus on what truly matters to me. I’m hoping that some of these steps will resonate with you and help you on your own journey too.
How To Be More Secure In Yourself
1. Practice Self Acceptance
Self acceptance is a vital step in learning how to be more secure in yourself but honestly, doing this is not really a walk in the park. Especially when we’ve been conditioned for so long to seek external validation just to feel worthy and enough.
We often find ourselves caught in the loop of comparing ourselves to others, measuring our worth against societal standards, and striving for perfection. This is certainly what I felt for years. It felt like regardless of how hard I tried to meet those standards, I was always falling short.
The harder I pushed myself to be perfect, the more I felt like I was failing. This relentless pursuit of an unattainable ideal left me feeling exhausted, drained, and miserable. I was just so unhappy. If you’re currently feeling the same way, please know that you never have to prove yourself to other people just to be enough and worthy.
Accepting yourself is about learning that your worth and value are inherent. It is not based on the opinion and validation of other people. You are worthy and enough just as you are now. You don’t have to mold yourself just to fit society’s expectations and standards. Embrace your true self, with all your unique qualities and imperfections.
Embrace the things that make you different, for they are what set you apart and make you special. Celebrate your individuality and recognize that there is no one else quite like you.
Start by doing these things:
• Challenge Negative Beliefs: Identify and question negative thoughts about yourself and try replacing them with positive affirmations. Like:
Negative Thought: “I always make mistakes.”
Positive Affirmation: “Mistakes are a part of learning and growth. I am improving every day.”
• Celebrate Your Strengths: Focus on your unique qualities and achievements, no matter how small.
• Set Personal Goals: Pursue growth and improvement for your own sake, not to meet external standards.
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2. Set Boundaries
How many times have you overextended yourself regardless of how exhausted and drained you already felt? How many times have you said yes when you really wanted to say no because you were so afraid of disappointing others or being perceived as selfish?
I’m also guilty of doing this. For the longest time, I have always found it so difficult to say no, especially to the people closest to me. It didn’t really matter how overwhelmed and stressed I was. I still felt like I needed to meet everyone’s expectations.
But the problem with constantly overextending ourselves and refusing to set any boundaries is that often it only leaves us feeling drained and resentful.
It took me a long time to realize that always saying yes wasn’t sustainable. I thought that being available and accommodating made me a good person but the more I pushed myself to meet others’ needs, the more I neglected my own.
This only led to burnout, and I started to feel disconnected from the activities and even people that I once enjoyed. I’ve learned that setting healthy boundaries is not a bad thing. Doing this doesn’t mean that we are shutting other people out entirely or that we are being unkind and selfish.
This simply means that we are valuing our own well-being and acknowledging our limits. Setting boundaries allows us to maintain a healthier balance in our lives, ensuring that we can show up fully and authentically for ourselves and others. The people who truly love you will understand that.
Remember that the only people who object to your boundaries are the ones who are thriving and benefiting from you having none.
Start by doing these things:
- Recognize Your Limits: Understanding your limits is the first step in setting healthy boundaries. Acknowledge when you’re reaching your capacity and need to take a step back.
- Communicate Clearly: Being honest and direct about your boundaries is essential. Let others know what you can and cannot do in a respectful manner.
- Practice Saying No: It might feel uncomfortable at first, but learning to say no is crucial. You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond your capacity to handle more.
3. Prioritize Your Mental Health
Making your mental health a priority is another important step in helping you learn how to be more secure in yourself. I know how easy it is to take our mental health for granted. Most of us are guilty of just putting this on the back burner thinking that it’s not really that important.
I was one of those people too. For the longest time, I have always been guilty of constantly pushing myself beyond my limits, ignoring the signs of stress and burnout. I believed that I had to keep going, no matter the cost to my mental health. It wasn’t until I reached a breaking point that I realized how crucial it was to prioritize my mental well-being.
If you’re guilty of doing this too, please know that you deserve to take care of your mental health just as much as you take care of your physical health. Making your mental health a priority is not a waste of time. It doesn’t slow you down from achieving your goals or from fulfilling your responsibilities.
In fact, prioritizing your mental health is a fundamental part of achieving long-term success and happiness. When you take the time to take care of your mental and emotional needs, you become more focused, energized, and productive in all areas of your life.
Please know that it’s okay to ask for help, to rest, and to put yourself first. Your well being matters, and taking care of it is a powerful act of self respect and self love which greatly helps in making you more secure in yourself.
Start by doing these things:
- Create a Relaxation Routine: Develop a daily routine that includes time for relaxation and unwinding, such as taking a warm bath, reading, or listening to music.
- Practice Positive Affirmations: Start your day with positive affirmations to boost your self-esteem and outlook on life.
- Practice Self-Care: Make time for activities that bring you joy and peace. Whether it’s reading, exercising, or spending time in nature, self-care should be an important part of your routine.
Check out these other resources for growth and happiness:
4. Celebrate Other’s Successes
Another vital step in helping us learn how to be more secure in ourselves is by genuinely celebrating other people’s success. I know it’s not always easy to do this, especially when we are experiencing setbacks and challenges ourselves.
I’ve always had a difficult time doing this too. You see, growing up, I was constantly compared by the people that I love to other people. It gave me the notion that I had to constantly compete with everyone else just to get their attention and love.
As I grew older, every time other people succeeded, it felt like a reflection on my own shortcomings. So, instead of being genuinely happy for them, it just made me resentful, and I hated myself for feeling that way.
If you’re struggling with this too, please know that you can break free from this mindset. It may be a long and challenging journey but it is certainly possible. I started by shifting my focus from comparison to self-improvement. We have to keep reminding ourselves that other people’s successes don’t diminish our own worth or capabilities.
One of the lessons that I’ve learned is that being secure in ourselves is not about reaching a perfect state where we never feel challenged by other’s success. Instead, it’s about developing resilience and cultivating a mindset that allows us to handle those feelings in a constructive way.
We have to remember that we rise by lifting others, and there is joy and freedom in genuinely celebrating the achievements of those around us.
Start by doing these things:
- Reflect on Your Achievements: Regularly take time to reflect on your own successes, no matter how small. This can help build your self-esteem and reduce feelings of inadequacy when comparing yourself to others.
- Cultivate Gratitude: Make it a habit to think about things you are grateful for in your life. Gratitude can shift your focus from what you lack to what you possess.
- Seek Inspiration, Not Competition: When you hear about someone else’s success, try to use it as motivation to pursue your own goals. Ask yourself what you can learn from them, rather than seeing their success as a yardstick against which to measure yourself.
5. Embrace Change
Change can be difficult. I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I’ve chosen to stand still because I was so terrified of change. It didn’t really matter how stuck, unhappy, and unfulfilled I was in my current situation, the fear of change kept me rooted in place.
I would constantly rationalize to myself that at least I knew what to expect in my current situation. Even if it wasn’t perfect, it was familiar and predictable because the mere thought of stepping into the unknown was just so paralyzing. But over time, I realized just how much this fear was costing me.
Not only was it limiting my experiences but it was also keeping me from growing and truly moving forward. Life is far too precious to waste on standing still out of fear. Being secure in ourselves means embracing the inevitability of change and having the confidence that regardless of what may come our way, we have what it takes to push past it.
I’ve learned that life is not about avoiding change, it’s about learning to navigate through it and finding opportunities that lie within. It’s about understanding that change brings growth, and growth brings fulfillment. And with each change we embrace, we become more of who we are meant to be.
Start by doing these things:
- Reflect on Past Successes: Regularly remind yourself of times when you successfully managed change in the past. This reinforces your ability to handle future changes and boosts confidence.
- Embrace Learning: Seek out new skills and knowledge. This can help you adapt to change more readily and see it as an opportunity for personal development.
- Practice Gratitude: Make it a habit to acknowledge and appreciate the good things in your life daily. This can shift your focus from fear of change to appreciation for the present.
6. Be Patient
Another important aspect of learning how to be more secure in yourself is cultivating patience. We have to remind ourselves that growth and transformation take time. I know how easy it is to get frustrated when change doesn’t happen overnight or when we don’t see any progress immediately.
This is also what I felt. It’s so easy to start throwing our hands up and give up when we feel like our efforts are not really leading us to the outcome that we wanted.
But we have to keep reminding ourselves that true and lasting change, often comes gradually. We have to be patient with ourselves and understand that just because we are not seeing immediate results doesn’t mean that progress isn’t happening. Don’t beat yourself up, allow yourself the space to grow at your own pace.
Remember that every small step forward is a step in the right direction, even if it doesn’t seem significant at the moment. Trust the process and stay committed to your journey.
Start by doing these things:
- Set Realistic Timelines: When setting goals, give yourself a realistic timeline to achieve them. Understand that some goals might take longer to accomplish than others, and that’s perfectly okay.
- Track Your Progress: Keep a journal or log to track your progress. This can include challenges you faced, how you overcame them, and the small victories along the way. Reviewing this will help you see just how far you’ve come.
7. Don’t Hesitate To Ask For Help
Asking for help is not always easy. Often, when we are struggling in life and facing challenges, most of us have this tendency to keep our problems to ourselves, believing that we must solve everything on our own.
This is what I felt. I have always found it so difficult to reach out and ask for help. I’ve always believed that since these are my problems then naturally, I should be the one to solve them. I didn’t want to burden other people with what I was going through. I know that they are also facing their own challenges and adding my problems to their load might only overwhelm them.
I never wanted to be a burden to anyone. Especially to the people that I love. But one of the greatest lessons that I’ve learned while I was navigating rock bottom is that asking for help and reaching out to the people that we love for support doesn’t make us a burden.
The people who truly love and care for you actually want to know what you’re going through and how they can support you.
Opening up to them about what you are going through helps them understand you better and provides them clarity on how they can be a part of your journey toward recovery or improvement.
Know that being secure in ourselves doesn’t mean that we have to do everything on our own. It’s not about being self-sufficient in every aspect or never showing vulnerability.
Rather, being secure means knowing when and how to ask for help, and recognizing that it’s perfectly normal and healthy to rely on others sometimes.
We have to remind ourselves that asking for help doesn’t mean that we failed or that we are weak and incapable of handling things on our own. Instead, it means that we are wise enough to recognize our limits and brave enough to seek support when needed.
Acknowledging that we can’t manage everything alone is a crucial step in not only maintaining our mental health but also in thriving.
So, please don’t hesitate to embrace the courage to ask for help when you need it.
Start by doing these things:
- Identify Your Support Network: Recognize the people in your life who are trustworthy and supportive – friends, family, colleagues, or mentors. Know who you can turn to when you need help.
- Practice Accepting Help Graciously: Sometimes the challenge isn’t just in asking for help but also in accepting it when offered.
- Start Small: If you’re uncomfortable asking for help, start with small requests as you build your comfort level. This can make it easier to ask for more significant help later on.
Final Thoughts
It’s crucial to remember that learning how to be more secure in yourself is not a one-time thing. It’s an ongoing process that requires continuous effort and self-reflection.
Being secure in ourselves involves embracing both our strengths and weaknesses, and understanding that growth is a lifelong journey. So, please give yourself the grace and space to grow at your own pace.
Don’t rush the process or compare your journey to others. Each person’s path is unique, and your progress is valid and meaningful.
You can do this and please know that I’m always rooting for you!
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