12 Actionable Ways To Stop Abandoning Yourself

Are you also guilty of constantly leaving yourself behind and always putting your needs on the back burner? It’s time to stop abandoning yourself and start prioritizing your own needs and well-being.

I know how easy it is to take our needs for granted and put everything and everyone else first. Especially when life gets hard, and we have a million things on our plate, taking care of ourselves is definitely the last thing on our minds.

For the longest time, I always had this bad habit of abandoning myself. I was always so focused on prioritizing the needs of other people because I was so afraid of disappointing them that I failed to realize that by constantly saying yes to everyone around me, I was also saying no to my mental health and well-being.

It wasn’t until I found myself at the lowest point of my life, burnout, drained and just so emotionally exhausted that I finally realized how important it is to take care of ourselves and learn to prioritize not just our physical health but our mental health as well.

Now, before anything else. I want you to know that showing up for yourself is not about being selfish and completely neglecting the needs of other people. It is about learning to find the balance and recognizing that you too deserve the same amount of love, care, and attention that you so freely give to others.

It is about finally understanding that you matter. That your needs matter and that taking care of yourself is not just a luxury or something that you put on your to-do list once a year and just forget about it the next. It is about understanding that prioritizing yourself and your needs is a necessity.

I know that breaking the destructive habit of self-abandonment is not easy. Especially if this habit has already been so ingrained in you growing up that you started to believe that this is the normal and right thing to do. That’s what it was for me.

But I’m here to tell you that you have the power within you to break free from this and start reclaiming your life and live it on your own terms. In this post, I will be sharing the valuable lessons and tips that have tremendously helped me let go of self-abandonment, reclaim my self-worth, and start prioritizing my well-being.

I’m hoping that these will help you on your journey too!

How To Stop Abandoning Yourself

1. Practice Self Compassion

Learning self-compassion is one of the most important things to do to help you stop abandoning yourself. I know that most of us are guilty of being our worst critics.

We just love to beat ourselves up over the smallest mistake. Hold ourselves up to these impossible standards and when we fall short of those impossible expectations, we just easily pile on the self-judgements. I’m no stranger to this feeling.

I have always believed that by constantly criticizing myself, I am holding myself more accountable and making myself more responsible and focused. But what it was actually doing was keeping me trapped in a cycle of self doubt and self neglect.

I failed to realize that what it was doing was the complete opposite. By constantly beating myself up, I was slowly crushing my confidence and self esteem, making me doubt myself more and more every day.

Self compassion is about recognizing that as human as we are, we are all bound to make mistakes, fail and stumble and instead of offering ourselves criticism every time that happens, we give ourselves comfort and encouragement.

Remind yourself that nobody is perfect. Life is not about having everything figured out or constantly getting everything right. One of the best things that you can do for yourself, especially when you’re going through tough times, is to give yourself grace, kindness, and love when things fall apart and when things don’t go as planned.

Life can be hard sometimes and by constantly criticizing ourselves, we are only making things harder for us. You deserve kindness and compassion too. It’s time to stop being your worst critic and start being your best friend and cheerleader.

2. Practice Self Acceptance

In today’s world, it’s easy to start believing that for us to be worthy, to be enough, we have to act a certain way, be somebody else and live our lives based on other people’s standards.

We get caught up in living somebody else’s life. Pretending to be someone that we are not thinking that being ourselves is not enough. We try to fit into these molds just so we can feel accepted and validated without realizing that by doing this we are only keeping ourselves stuck and so unhappy.

Life is by far too short and too precious to just waste it pretending to be somebody that you’re not. Please know that you don’t have to keep chasing these elusive standards of how you should live your life just to be enough. You are enough and worthy just as you are now.

You don’t have to fit into a certain mold just to feel accepted because the only validation that you will ever need is your own. You are unique. We all are. If you keep living somebody else’s life, you are only keeping yourself from unlocking your fullest potential and from being truly happy.

Embrace who you are. Flaws and quirks included. Accept who you are wholeheartedly and know that you deserve to live your own life. You deserve to take your own journey and live the life that you want. The life that makes you happy. The life that gives you inner peace.

You don’t have to keep pretending. Allow yourself to finally break free from chasing external validation and start being your authentic and wonderful self.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is an important aspect of learning how to stop abandoning yourself. Please allow me to ask you this, how often have you said yes to things you didn’t want to do in the first place just because you were so afraid of disappointing other people?

How many times have you overextended yourself and stretched yourself too thin trying to cater to everyone’s needs but your own? I’m definitely not judging you for doing this because to be perfectly honest, I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I found myself in the exact same situation.

Boundaries were more like an elusive concept for me. I mean, I knew what it meant but it was just something that I thought I didn’t need or something that was just so hard and uncomfortable to even begin implementing that I would rather just go without it.

But I was completely wrong to do that. Setting healthy boundaries is essential for us to protect ourselves, our mental health and our well-being. When we refuse to set it, it’s easy to get pulled into a million different directions trying to fulfill external obligations without realizing that we are already losing sight of our own needs.

Please know that you also deserve to honor your own needs, time, priorities, and values without feeling guilty about it or without feeling the need to apologize.

You can start by recognizing which areas in your life you tend to neglect yourself or which areas you feel overwhelmed and drained. It’s important to allow yourself the time to sit down and really reflect on the things that drain your energy and the things that are truly important to you.

Once you identify those things. Communicate to other people your boundaries. Do it kindly but firmly. Remember it’s perfectly okay to say no to the things that no longer align with your goals and priorities.

4. Learn To Forgive

Learning to forgive others and even ourselves can be one of the most difficult things that we can do but it is a vital step in helping us nurture ourselves and finally stop abandoning ourselves.

I think it’s safe to say that forgiveness is often so much easier said than done. When I was navigating the journey toward loving myself more and learning to put a stop to self abandonment, I learned that forgiving others and even ourselves can play a vital role in helping us navigate that phase in our life.

You see, growing up, I was deeply hurt by the people that I love the most. I was made to believe that my worth is tied to my accomplishments and without them I was nothing. Every day felt like I constantly needed to compete with everyone around me just so I could feel that I was worthy of their love and attention.

And I was so angry at them for making me feel that way. I took that anger with me for years and I let it consume me without realizing that by doing that, I was also keeping myself stuck, unable to heal and move forward.

It’s important to remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean that we are minimizing the wrong things that they have done or invalidating the pain that they have caused.

It just means that we are no longer allowing ourselves to be consumed by it and instead of focusing all our attention and giving anger and bitterness space, we are finally setting ourselves free and giving ourselves the space to heal and move forward.

It is about allowing yourself to finally move forward with a sense of inner peace and personal empowerment.

Also, I know that often, forgiving ourselves is even more difficult to do than forgiving other people. If you feel this way, please know that you as much as anybody else also deserve forgiveness.

Know that we are all fallible and are prone to making mistakes. Humans as we all are, we are all capable of failures and mistakes and you are definitely no exception to that. Instead of holding on to guilt and constantly blaming yourself, give yourself grace and forgive yourself.

Remember that we all deserve a chance to learn, grow and move forward. So, please be gentle with yourself.

5. Make Self Care A Priority

Recognizing that self care is a necessity is an essential step in helping you stop abandoning yourself. I know that when we have so many things on our plate, taking the time to practice self care feels like a complete waste of our precious time.

Especially when we are already so overwhelmed with everything that we have to do and the problems and worries that we are currently facing, taking a break is definitely not on our minds. But let me tell you, there is no better time to practice self care than this.

I definitely didn’t realize how truly important self care was for our mental health until I found myself at my lowest. I have always assumed that I can continue pushing myself to exhaustion and burnout and still live a happy and healthy life.

Well, that definitely wasn’t the case. Taking the time to practice self care is like allowing yourself the chance to recharge your energy and just breathe. Self-care is like pressing the pause button on all the noise and chaos of life and giving yourself the space to take care of your needs and prioritize your well-being.

Self care is not just something that you cross off your to-do list every once in a while. It should be on top of your priority list. Know that your needs also matter. You deserve to take care of yourself and do things that recharge your soul and make you happy.

Here’s an extensive list from Better Up Blog of self care practices and ideas that’ll help you take better care of yourself.

6. Don’t Be Afraid To Be Vulnerable

Vulnerability was never my strong suit. I have always preferred to run away from what I was truly feeling and just keep on pretending that I was perfectly okay.

I thought that if I just continued to bottle up all my feelings and emotions, eventually they will all just go away. But that’s definitely not the case. Regardless of how fast you try to run away from what you’re truly feeling, eventually, all those emotions will catch up with you and that’s just going to make it even more difficult for you to face all of them.

I’ve learned that the more that we hide what we are truly feeling, the more we are abandoning ourselves, keeping ourselves stuck and unable to move forward and heal.

Please know that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. For what it’s worth, now I truly believe that vulnerability is a testament to one’s strength and courage.

It takes great strength to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to embrace what we are truly feeling, and to show the world our authentic selves.

7. Remember That Your Worth As A Person Is Not Dependent On External Validation

There’s no denying that in today’s world, it’s so easy to base our worth, value, and if we are good enough on other people’s approval of us. We continuously push ourselves to be somebody else and say yes to things we don’t want just to please other people and gain their validation.

I’ve definitely lived that life and let me tell you, living that kind of life is just so exhausting and mentally draining. Please know that your worth and value come from within. You don’t have to keep relying on other people’s approval.

Know that your worth as a person will never be based on what other people say about you. Please remember that your value isn’t some trophy that you earn from external sources. You are amazing just as you are.

The only approval and validation that you will ever need is your own. So please don’t be afraid to live the life that you want. Know that time is fleeting and your life is far too precious to just waste it chasing other people’s validation.

Set yourself free from that burden and start embracing who you are!

8. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help

Are you also guilty of wanting to handle everything on your own? I’m certainly no stranger to this feeling. When I was struggling in life, regardless of how exhausted I already was, I still wanted to do everything on my own. I had this belief that since these are my problems then I have to be the one to fix them or find solutions for them.

I didn’t want to burden other people. But what I didn’t realize was that by refusing to ask for help, I was also greatly abandoning myself and making things even more difficult for me. Please know that you will never be a burden to the people who truly love you.

They may not always exactly understand what you’re going through but they will be there to listen and offer a helping hand. You don’t have to face everything on your own. Asking for help is not a sign of failure and it’s certainly not a sign of weakness.

For what it’s worth, I’ve learned that recognizing that we need help and asking for it requires a great deal of courage and strength. So please don’t be afraid to reach out when you need it.

Sometimes we all need a helping hand to help us navigate the twists and turns of life and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that.

9. Let Go Of What No Longer Serves You

I have always been guilty of holding on to things that were only sabotaging my growth and happiness just because they felt familiar and comfortable.

For years, I’ve allowed myself to hold on to habits, people, and mindsets that were weighing me down because I was so afraid of making a change that I failed to realize that by doing this I was only keeping myself stuck and I was abandoning myself.

If you’re like me, please know that it’s okay to let go of what no longer serves you, free yourself from the burden and finally give yourself the space to move forward. Letting go of the thought patterns, habits, and relationships that were toxic to you yet have become so familiar and comfortable does not mean that you’re abandoning yourself.

It’s actually the exact opposite. By doing this, you are finally showing yourself the love and respect that you deserve. By shedding those things that no longer align with your current goals and values, you are finally making room for new exciting opportunities and positive experiences that’ll help you grow and thrive.

10. Stop The Comparison Game

I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves, our milestones, and our growth to other people. Especially in today’s world where we are often made to believe that for us to be happy, for us to be successful, we have to live our life based on other people’s standards.

We spend so much time and energy always looking at other’s lives and their achievements that we eventually feel that we are constantly not measuring up, leading us to believe that we are not enough.

But here’s the thing, the more that you keep chasing somebody else’s dreams and goals, you are only keeping yourself from truly unlocking your fullest potential. Please know that you are worthy and enough just as you are.

It’s time to set yourself free from the burden and heartache of constantly comparing yourself to other people and start focusing on your own strengths and abilities and finally live the life that YOU want.

Life is by far too precious to just waste it constantly comparing your life to other people. Instead of spending so much time and energy constantly looking at what others have, your time is better spent focusing on your own growth, your own journey, and living your life.

You are amazing. You just have to believe in yourself, in what you are capable of doing and focus on your own growth. Know that you are worth it just the way you are and finally kick that comparison game to the curb.

11. Remember That Your Dreams And Aspirations Are Worth Pursuing

I know that sometimes life gets so hectic and noisy that we start to forget about the things that light our souls on fire. We start to believe that pursuing our dreams is just a complete waste of time and that our time is better spent focusing on the problems of everyday life.

I’m certainly no stranger to this feeling. For years, I’ve continued to put my dreams on hold thinking that pursuing it will just be a complete waste of time and resources. I mean, I was doing okay and at that time I didn’t see any logical reasons to change that and start going after my passion.

I didn’t realize that by doing this I was abandoning myself, keeping myself so unhappy and stuck that every day felt like I was just going through the motions of life on autopilot.

Please know that it’s never too late to pursue your dreams and aspirations. You don’t have to make a huge change right away. You can start small and maybe do it in your spare time. Make time for it every single day and know that your dreams are also important. They matter.

I know that the worth of pursuing one’s dreams and aspirations is deeply a personal matter. That’s why it’s important to reflect on what truly matters to you and what you are willing to invest your time and energy into.

But ultimately if you ever decide to pursue it know that regardless of where you are in life, you are capable of achieving the things you set your mind and heart into.

12. Practice Daily Gratitude

Practicing daily gratitude may seem like a small thing but doing it every single day can have a tremendous positive impact on our overall well-being. But still, I know how difficult it is to practice every day.

Especially when we are going through tough times and difficult seasons. Finding something to be grateful for during those times can often be impossible. That’s certainly what I felt when I was navigating rock bottom.

I’ve allowed myself to focus on the problems, the worries, and everything that I was lacking in my life. I thought that by doing this I was keeping myself more accountable and responsible. More focused and driven in doing the things needed to improve my life.

But that certainly wasn’t the case. What it did was the exact opposite. It made things so much harder for me. It made me feel worse and it made me start doubting myself and my abilities.

And ultimately, it just made me feel more hopeless. I’ve learned that being grateful doesn’t mean that you are invalidating what you are currently going through or minimizing your problems. It just means that you are acknowledging that though times are currently hard, there are still a lot of things to be grateful for.

It doesn’t really matter how small they may seem. Being grateful is recognizing that while you may be struggling right now, there is hope and you will get to the other side stronger, braver, and wiser.

Start and end your day by giving three things that you are grateful for. Do this practice every day for a month and you will see just how this small practice can have such a huge impact on our perspective and outlook in life.

Final Thoughts

I know how easy it is to lose sight of ourselves in the midst of life’s chaos and noise. But please don’t give up on yourself. You deserve to finally stop abandoning yourself and start showing yourself love and respect.

It’s time to stop putting yourself on the back burner and start prioritizing your needs and well-being. I know that the journey towards breaking free from self abandonment is not always smooth sailing. You may encounter setbacks and detours along the way.

The important thing is to give yourself kindness and grace. Be patient with yourself and know that it’s okay to stumble and fall. You have the power within you to pick yourself back up, move forward, and keep persevering.

I believe in you. You got this!