This past few weeks have been very difficult for me. I constantly had sleepless nights. I’ve spent days lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with a million thoughts rushing through my head – depression was eating me alive, again.
I felt like I was a prisoner, trapped in my own body, chained in my own thoughts. I wanted everything to just stop. I wanted to scream. I wanted to get up but depression was consuming every bit of life left in me.
I’ve had this episode for weeks. I was trapped in a living nightmare. Though I know that stress was the main reason why I was in this place, I’ve come to realize that some of my small daily habits were also dragging me back in this hole.
So, I’ve decided to recognize those little habits and slowly try to change them as much as I can, in the hopes of making the dark days easier and more bearable.
And I wanted to share these with you too. That’s why today, I have decided to share with you 5 habits that are making my depression worse.
Check them out and join me in my journey of fighting depression one day at a time!
Dwelling on Stressful Situations
Oftentimes, stress is what pushes me back to my dark days. It drags me back into this deep hole where depression chains me.
When a stressful event arises, we usually dwell on it. Instead of finding options to fix and deal with it, we choose to think about it over and over again. And doing this was eating me alive.
When you have depression, coping with stressful situations can be extra difficult. That’s what it is for me. But we have to learn to fight back and find a way to manage stress better.
So, I started to recognize the things or actions that make me feel calmer, actions that’ll help separate me from my thoughts and I looked for ways on how I can implement those in my way of managing stress – doing this helped me a lot.
I hated seeing any trace of sunlight beaming through my windows because this means that I have to get through yet another painful day. So, I placed large and thick curtains to hide from the sun without knowing that this is only doing more harm than good.
Until my sister decided to get rid of my thick curtains, I then realized that avoiding the sunlight was completely not helping. Being able to see the sunrise or even letting a little sunlight in made me feel better, as cliché as this may sound but it gave me hope – hope that maybe today will be different.
It may not have completely made everything okay but it made everything feel lighter.
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Avoiding physical activity
When you’re living with depression, even the simplest task, like getting out of bed is a constant challenge. Taking a shower is a chore and staying in bed is always a go-to.
It’s not because we’re lazy or we are just choosing not to, it’s because we literally can’t. But the more I let depression chain me to my bed, the more I’m giving it control over me and the worse I feel.
For instance, the other day I was having yet another dark day. I was lying in bed and staring blankly at nothing then I let my sister talk me into going swimming.
Though it took all the energy left in me to say yes and do it, it made me feel so much better. I laughed and everything felt lighter.
Try to stand up and do something that makes you feel good. I know it’s difficult and sometimes quite impossible but it’s worth it.
So, start small and set small goals, if you feel like you can still do another thing after completing one task, then add one more task. As long as you’re trying that’s more than enough.
Watching the news
I loved watching the news. I just found it entertaining and I love knowing what’s happening with the world.
But after being diagnosed with depression, watching so much negativity and seeing how unfair life is, just made me hate living more. Not only does seeing all the crimes and accidents trigger my anxiety but it just worsens my depression.
Sure being informed is a good thing but the feeling I get after watching it is just not worth it.
When life gets too overwhelming and when your depression is eating you alive, talking to someone or reaching out for support can be very difficult. I understand how difficult it is to ask for help when even getting out of bed feels like an impossible chore.
But having a support system is exactly what we need during this time.
I also had this fear of opening up to someone and asking for their help. I feared that people will either dismiss what I’m feeling or judge me.
But when I started to slowly let people in, I realized that not everyone will judge you. They may not understand what you are feeling but they will be there for you, they will be there to listen.
While changing these bad habits may not completely make my depression go and stay away but it does make it a whole lot easier.
And that for me is enough.
So, recognize those habits that are feeding your depression and start by changing them one day at a time. Keep fighting, we can do this!