It’s so easy to let our negative thoughts, past pains and heartaches control our lives.
Especially when we are going through a difficult time or we are navigating through the darkest days of our lives, it’s so easy to allow ourselves to dwell on nothing but the negativity, the anger, and the pain.
Experiencing the lowest point of my life made me realize that for years, I held on to so many pains, anger, and heartaches from my past.
I let all those emotions consume me and control my life.
Without really realizing that by holding on to those past pains, not only was I causing myself pain over and over again.
But I was also allowing myself to dwell and cling on to so much negativity.
And regardless of how much we deny it, most people are guilty of doing this.
Most of us are guilty of allowing ourselves to cling on to a negative experience, a negative thought and let it run through our minds over and over again — consuming us, keeping us down and heartbroken.
But the thing is if we allow this to continue, we are not only keeping ourselves from being happy but we are also stopping ourselves from healing, from moving on and from enjoying the blessings and the good things that are happening at the present moment.
So, if you are now ready to let all your past pains go and to finally stop letting your negative thoughts control your life, here are the 4 steps I took to let go of all my past pains and negative thoughts…
Decide to let go…
Before anything else, the very first thing that you need to do is to decide to let go.
You need to not just cling on to the thought of letting go but really have the courage to act on it.
Ask yourself, how many times have you let a past experience, a past pain, a heartbreak, a negative situation, rule your thoughts and control your life?
How many times have you let all those things keep you from being happy and from going after the things that you want?
For years, I held on to a negative experience, pain, and anger that I had for the people who have wronged me and hurt me.
I took all the pain of the past with me and I let it control my life and my happiness.
There’s no denying that what I experienced was so painful and heart-breaking but you know what hurts more?
It’s realizing that by allowing myself to dwell on those things, I was only putting myself in so much more pain.
I was only hurting myself over and over again.
Don’t make the same mistake as I did.
Don’t let your past pains, negative thoughts, and experiences rule and ruin your present.
Remind yourself that choosing to cling on to all those things will only keep you from finding lasting happiness and will only block you from truly experiencing the good and wonderful things that are happening in your life now.
Acknowledge your thoughts and emotions and let them out…
Whenever I’m faced with losses, heartbreaks, disappointments, and struggles, instead of going through them, I always choose to run away from them, hide them and just pretend that it never happened.
That’s how I cope with it and for a long time, I thought that doing that was good for me.
But of course, it wasn’t.
Because instead of validating those emotions, instead of actually facing them, I compound them, keep all of them bottled up — thinking that eventually, the pain will just go away.
But it doesn’t. The pain consumes you and takes a little part of you every day and until it finally breaks you.
Doing this will only destroy you and keep you stuck.
It will only keep you from healing and from moving on forward.
Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your thoughts and what you feel.
Also, if you find yourself dwelling on a negative thought, let it out. Talk it over with someone, write it down, anything that’ll help you vent out.
I find that often, acknowledging a negative thought, talking about it actually allows you to see it in a different and new perspective.
Forgiving — easier said than done right?
I should know, because, for a long time, I felt so bad about myself. I have never felt that I was enough and I always have the need to chase other people’s approval and validation and this was all because I choose to let my past, a negative and painful experience continue to rule my life.
I’ve never learned to forgive those people who caused me that amount of pain and most importantly, I never learned to forgive myself for making mistakes and for failing.
After hitting an all-time low, I realized that forgiveness doesn’t really mean that we are minimizing the pain and the wrongness that they have done, it simply means that we are now ready to move forward and set ourselves free from the past and the pain.
It means that finally, we are no longer giving it the power to continue to hurt us and destroy us over and over again.
Forgive. Forgive those who caused you pain and most importantly, forgive yourself for your mistakes and failures.
I know that forgiving is definitely not easy and but try, try every day if you have to and know that by doing this you are setting yourself free and you are finally giving yourself a chance to start fresh and to heal.
Doing this is worth it.
Be grateful and try to find at least one good thing…
When you are going through a bad week or you’re navigating through the darkest moments of your life, it’s easy to focus on all the bad things.
On all our losses, our setbacks and heartbreaks and our defeats.
When I was going through the toughest moment of my life, every day I was constantly faced with problems, disappointments, gut-wrenching struggles that I allowed myself to wallow in all the bad things and in all the negativity.
And you know where that got me? Nowhere.
Not only was it making me feel worse but it only kept me paralyzed and too overwhelmed to even try to change my situation and better my life.
I know being grateful or even looking at the good things when you’re struggling so bad may seem impossible.
I thought it was too but it’s actually not.
Yes, it may be difficult but with a little practice and effort, it is possible.
So, start by looking for that one good thing every day, that one thing that made you smile, that one thing that made you happy — trust me, doing this makes a huge difference!
There will be times when you will face setbacks, losses, failures, and heartbreaks.
Life will always be full of twist and turns and ups and downs, but the important thing is to always remind yourself that whatever it is that you are going through, regardless of how low and defeated you may feel, you always have the power to not let your past and the negativity control your life.
You can do this!